Retribution
by Enchantaskip
Summary: A tale after the master M.R. James


One stormy November evening in the year in which the good Queen was stricken by the loss of her beloved Consort, a young man alighted from a two-horse chaise outside a substantial house, not many miles from one of the two great universities of which England can be so proud, and knocked at the doorway with some trepidation in his manner.

Evans, the impressive retainer who had been in the service of Sir Alasdair since the end of the late French conflict, admitted him to the residence with that mixture of disapproval and feigned affection appropriate to a nephew who, though dissolute, might yet prove to be heir to the estate and his future master.

"Let me send your bag to your room, Master Dafydd. Sir Alasdair in his the Laboratory and has asked that you go up immediately you arrive."

The entire second floor of the great Queen Anne house had been converted to the research needs of the bachelor baronet. At one end was a great library full of works on science and volumes devoted to his strongly held Presbyterian beliefs; in the centre a gallery full of his carefully mounted and unequalled collection of the world's tapeworms; at the far end the well equipped workshops in which his inventions were conceived and constructed.

The old man was tall and strong for his eighty years, and stood poised over a lathe, engaged in the creation of a long steel tube. When he saw his nephew approach he frowned and pulled a lever, and with a hiss of released steam the lathe spun to a stop. In silence he attached the tube to a massive structure by the window, swivelled the device so that the tube faced a cottage on the grounds and turned a handle. With an incessant thunderous report the device spewed a myriad of bullets into the cottage which disintegrated in seconds.

"Och, tis' a bonnie instrument, " said the elderly engineer, "An improved Gatling gun. General Gordon has asked for a dozen to help him in converting the heathen in Africa."

"Have you any more inventions in progress, uncle?"

His relative frowned at the young man, but he unbent a little. "My time is mostly taken up with my Asylum for the Orphans of the Deserving Christian Poor. It is not easy to find reliable providers of inexpensive yet good quality gruel and red flannel for the puir bairns. And my few meagre technical successes have been disappointing in practical terms"

He took a serge cover from a mahogany box with an opaque glass plate fixed to the front. "I had hopes that my "Telegraphic Daguerreotype" would be of great service in bringing the improving sermons of the reformed church to the unlettered Esquimau on his ice floe, the Cannibal in the impenetrable jungle, nay, even to the Papist Irishman in his squalid bothy, but again my innocent faith in humanity has let to my disappointment."

He pulled at a lever on the side of the box and the coloured image of a running horse appeared, with the noise of thundering hooves emerging from a trumpet on one side.

He pressed the lever back and the image and sound disappeared.

"Only last week I discovered my assistant, Jenkins, using the apparatus to view the housemaids in their petticoats. I was obliged to dismiss him at once without a character. Clearly such a device cannot be made available to the public. I shall have it destroyed and the plans burned."

"What is this machine, uncle?"

The object appeared to be a common velocipede, but with two saddles and two sets of pedalling gear.

The old man sighed.

"With the working week now down to a mere sixty hours and the common people losing their health through lives of indolence, I had thought that this "Nuptial Velocipede" would enable men and their wives to take healthy exercise in the country.

The husband can ride on the front, the wife behind him as is proper, and able to contribute to the pedalling in so far as her delicate frame will allow. I have made some minor improvements over a common velocipede, such as fifteen speed derailleur gears, aluminium frames and a rudimentary sound system. This device, at last, I concluded, would not only be a boon to the working people, but would sell in large numbers and generate substantial monies for my Asylum. Alas, when I discussed my invention with the elders of my church, they explained that this invention too is capable of abuse by the ungodly. Not only might it be employed for sinful travel on the Sabbath, but it might also fall into the hands of unmarried couples who might employ it to make excursions beyond the control of their chaperones. Regretfully, this too is an invention that cannot see the light of day."

His nephew looked on the machine with approval. This, at last was a practical device that might well be the subject of a profitable adventure in trade. His musings were interrupted when his uncle turned and fixed him with a steady glare.

"I have had a communication from the Dean concerning your fellowship at the University. It is his view that your Doctoral submission will be rejected by the Chapter of the college. The underlying thesis, that the Welsh are the Lost Tribe of Israel, is flawed, your research inadequate and your understanding limited. He has little hope that you can achieve a career in academia."

Dafydd spoke with passion in his defence for some time, but with a growing sense of hopelessness, pleading for a few hundred guineas and some extra time to prove his thesis, but the old inventor was obdurate and shook his greying head.

"I am sorry, laddie, but we have wasted enough money on your education. You must take Holy Orders and I will give you a place as Chaplain and schoolmaster in my Asylum, at a small though adequate allowance, given that you can take your meals with the orphans and live in rooms in the attic. I cannot say fairer than that. If you are not pleased to take up my offer, then I am afraid you must make your own way in life. I will be amending my will tomorrow to ensure that all my wealth goes to the poor bairns in the orphanage. And those are my final words on the matter."

With that he turned to descend the steep flight of stairs.

The scullery maid working in the hall testified later to having heard her master fall, and revealed that she had run upstairs to find him lying dead at the foot of the staircase. She omitted from her testimony the detail that she had heard him fall down the stair not just once, but in fact on four separate occasions in a five minute period, rendering it no surprise that she was soon to become the highest paid scullery maid in the Home Counties for the short few months before her own inexplicably early demise.

Almost five years had passed, and a man, still young but with the distinguished bearing of a senior academic, stepped from a four horse carriage outside the very same door.

As he entered he frowned at Evans, "As we were passing the churchyard I got the distinct impression that the iron door of the family crypt was ajar, and that there appeared to be movement within. If the verger is carrying out some essential duties I cannot object, but I would be exceedingly displeased were I to find that the tomb was unlocked and that village urchins were able to gain access. Please look into the matter at once."

"I shall, send a message to the vicar at once, Sir. Your tea will be served in the library as usual.".

He sipped his tea from fine porcelain with satisfaction. The closure of the orphanage and the despatch of its denizens to the workhouse had generated enough funds, not only to grease the rails of his doctorate and fellowship, but as well to provide capital to begin the manufacture of the excellent velocipede. He was now a rich man, a respected member of the peerage and a coming force in academic life.

He spent some time on estate paperwork then called for his carriage. Evans was uncomfortable. "I am afraid Sir, that your carriage has sustained damage to the right read wheel, and the coachman and the smith regret it cannot be repaired until morning. Shall I prepare your bedchamber?"

He rarely in the house now, preferring his residence in the college. There was a brooding anxiety about the house, especially upstairs which the servants were said to shun after dark. He went down to the yard and inspected the carriage, which indeed was unusable in it's present form, then stood and brightened.

At the back of the carriage house was the prototype velocipede, kept perfectly maintained by the coachman as part of his duties.

Here was a solution to his difficulties.

"It is a very pleasant evening, I think I shall take a ride back to town on that machine." Dismissing the offer of a footman to assist him he set off, pedalling the heavy machine with confidence.

Although it was a warm evening in early autumn, he could feel a strange chill as he approached the church, and there seemed a curious darkness about the immediate area. He pedalled harder as he passed the churchyard and the great stone mausoleum that housed his ancestors trying to avert his eyes, but the compulsion to turn his head was overwhelming, and as he sped past he caught a glimpse of the great cast iron door creaking open, and thought he could observe some furtive movement within.

Seized by a mindless terror he pedalled all the harder as the approached the hill on the outskirts of the village, not daring to turn back. For a moment he thought he was clear, then he became aware first of a weight on the empty saddle behind him, then of a cold breath that reeked of the icy grave blowing on the back of his neck, and then of some creature of unequalled power beginning to drive the pedals round with inhuman force.

He dared not look back, but when he took a single glance downwards he saw two powerful taloned hands, their backs covered with long hair and the webs of a hundred spiders, clutching the handles.

Pedestrians walking on the narrow streets of the pleasant university town were flung aside as the machine powered through them at an horrific pace. One gentleman recalled seeing a great dark creature with glowing eyes on the rear seat, and swore he was not able to sleep for many weeks thereafter for thinking of it, while others declared it was empty.

The witnesses were all agreed on the dreadful conclusion. The careering machine struck the wall by the river and somersaulted in, crashing through a passing punt to the terror of the undergraduate and his young lady who were it's passengers, destroying the frail vessel together with a picnic basket and a valuable banjolele, and compelling the young pair to swim for it.

When the body of the distinguished don was recovered, all were amazed by the expression of terror that marked his features. The coroner recorded a verdict of death due to heart failure, brought about by unaccustomed exercise, and called for restrictions on the sale of velocipedes. When they came to discuss the matter below stairs in the Hall, Evans and the servants reached a different conclusion.


End file.
